April 2nd 2008 my life changed forever. My now ex husband was arrested that night for 3rd degree domestic violence assault against me. The man who I had spent 8 years with overnight turned into someone I didn’t recognize, didn’t know, and would spend the rest of his life obsessed with “getting back at me.” The months that followed included what I now call my “Divorce Diet.” I went from a size 8 to a size 4 without trying. I couldn’t eat I was so upset. However my body also had this strange physical reaction. My stomach would be in knots in a way I had never felt before. I cross between nausea and pain. My heart pumped faster. I felt shaky. It made sense to me that I could experience a physical reaction to life as I knew it crumble around me and nothing, especially me, would ever be the same again.
However I have had this experience 4 times now since then. This severe physical reaction when I find out someone is lying to me. At first I thought it was just about getting my heart broken. It’s not. It is directly correlated to lying. Now coincidently sometimes lying breaks your heart, however it’s the lying that causes the reaction. It’s a bizarre new physical feeling my body has…and it sometimes starts even before I know “for sure” I am being lied to. It’s like my bodies secret way of confirming my fears….especially since I have lost touch with that little intuitive voice women are just supposed to have. Now my intuitive voice is a stomach wrenching nausea induced weight losing diet that lasts 48 hours.
First time after the incident with my ex that this happened is what I now loving refer to as my “crazy story.” I guess every girl gets one in her lifetime. Only a handful of human beings know the full details of my most embarrassing mortifying moment of my life ever. All sanity left my mind and I was taken over by a crazed, car hoping, stiletto fence jumping woman. All because I found out a man had been lying to me. I have now given this man the best “I dated this girl one time and she was crazy….” story ever. I will chalk it up to rebound after marriage and I vow I will never be the “crazy” again. I spent 2 days in bed. Told my family I was sick. 48 hours and 5 lbs later life went on.
The second time was the first guy I actually fell for after my divorce. I had never dated anyone who shared the same religious beliefs as I did but also shared the same work world I have. I was in front of the camera, he was behind it. I had my best “date” ever with him and for the first time I was with someone who I loved to do things with because they were things I loved to do not just because I was doing what he loved. He broke my heart. While he would probably argue he didn’t “lie” to me I felt just as deceived – one week him telling me he wanted to be with me and make things work and the next he just “woke up and felt different.” 48 hours and 5 lbs later and a good month of zero contact with him. Life went on (oh and it helped that he soon after moved out of state)
Third time was after going to court with my Ex Husband who lied in his 2 motions to the court and then out right lied on the stand. I have since learned that in Colorado if you perjure yourself in a civil case no one will prosecute you. I especially loved when he said “I know for a fact Tara got high in Amsterdam.” (Note I have NEVER in my life gotten high (I know I’m an endangered species) and I have NEVER been to Amsterdam) The court ruled that my alcoholic ex was not a danger to our 4 year old daughter who has cancer. That he could continue his parenting time, administering piles of medications, and probation would keep him sober (regardless of the fact I have 5 incident reports of him drinking all while being monitored) I went back to the PICU at Children’s Hospital and cried for 1 solid day. 48 hours and 5 lbs later…life if still going on.
And now the most recent. The guy I had been dating is now jerking me around. Thru the Lodo grapevine I hear he has reunited with his ex (the same ex I asked him about on our second date). He claims he hasn’t. I openly admit I definitely have trust issues. I mean 8 years with a pathological liar that’ll do it to ya. So maybe I need to trust more. However 2 days later he blows me off and then leaves to go out of town for 7 days. You know how you know in your gut when it just doesn’t all add up? This is one of those times.
So now it’s the 48 hour mark. I woke up this AM and looked at my stomach. Completely flat and completely fabulous. My waist has thinned out and my hip bones have the perfect curve. I step on the scale. 126.5. 5 lbs gone. I breath I sigh of relief. Life is about to go on…..